Today I am offering you something authentic. Be warned that it is not a light read. It is the reality of what my recovery looks like.
You could say I’m recovering from everything.
I’ve been addicted to whatever I could get my hands on for an escape from reality since I was about 12 and have had to fight for peace over the war inside of myself.
It’s been an exhausting 18 years.
You would probably figure that I’d point the finger at the way I was raised, the lack of nurture or the broken and blended family that came out of choices not made by myself.
But I’ve worked through that. I’ve worked through the anger, bitterness and the feeling that there was no justice for myself a long time ago.
This process helped ease the addictions. I was no longer self-medicating the rage inside of me. I could finally see through the fog of my own dysregulated emotions.
I believe we’re all just trying to figure it out. I mean, look at how everything in our society is structured. The big businesses and the influence they have over us, for example, the food industry or the powerful muse of the Media.
You only have to look at the news for a minute to see that we live in a broken world.
But in the grand scheme of things, this bigger perspective can also open our eyes to the idea that the people around you, or who raised you are only doing the best they can with what they have. Whether it be, money, emotional intelligence, self-awareness, their own family culture and the structures in that little world.
And while the sting may still be there for quite some time, I hope this offers you a level of forgiveness towards them, so you can release them and focus your energy on you for a while.
I’m hoping I can walk along-side you as you gain a new perspective on the world around you, why you’ve ended up in this place, and how to get out.
The Pink Cloud app will help you keep on top of the mental load, while I’ll be here so you feel less alone in the heavy part of the unravelling and rebuilding.
I 100% suggest you speak to a health professional (GP, Psychologist, Counsellor) or find yourself a good companion with the same level of self-awareness for this journey, someone who sees your faults, will call you out on your BS but you know and trust to have your best interests at heart.
But I’ll be here too. I’ll let you inside of my mind and heart journey, so you can be validated about yours.
You might not be aware of how far along on this journey you already are, so I want you to grab a notebook and we’re going to take a sort of self-assessment/inventory of these few things that I believe are vital on this journey (and honestly, if you don’t have these or are even aware of how to have these, don’t stress! This is what we’re going to help you with, I promise!).
1. Self-awareness and Reflection
How regularly do you self-reflect?
How aware of your emotions are you in the moment you react to a situation?
Take a moment to think about your top 3-5 most loud emotions.
What do these emotions feel like when you think them? Can you feel it in your body?
Give these emotions a name. Like, for instance when you can’t bear to think about what you did last Saturday night at the local pub, that one would be “Shame”.
Later in the journey, we will challenge and reframe them. Signs of progress in this area will look like an increased understanding of your triggers, recognising unhealthy patterns, and gaining insights into the root causes of these emotions.
2. Coping Mechanisms
A coping mechanism is a psychological strategy or behavior that may use consciously or unconsciously to manage stress, emotional challenges, or difficult situations. Coping mechanisms can be either adaptive and healthy, contributing to positive well-being, or unhealthy, potentially making the problem bigger.
Healthy coping mechanisms are developed and consistent coping strategies such as mindfulness, exercise and creative outlets. In the beginning of recovery, I liked the statement “a Little bit, a lot” – I would journal my emotions “a little bit… a lot” so then it would then become part of who I was.
This term took the pressure of having to achieve all of this at once, and just focus on the “now”.
Take an inventory of your top 3 healthy coping mechanisms, whether it be reaching out to a friend, going for a walk every morning, or journaling.
Unhealthy coping mechanisms look like substance abuse, or avoidance and denial. These provide temporary relief but does not address the underlying issues. Over time, this can lead to the accumulation of unresolved problems, increased stress and lack of personal growth.
I want you to take an inventory of your unhealthy coping mechanisms, I mean – this could look like a Friday night binge drink or drinking every night. It could be that you choose to eat food, or not eat food. Do you spend all your money impulsively and then regret it later?
Signs of progress in this area is the gradual decrease in reliance on unhealthy coping mechanisms like substance abuse, or avoidance – and trust me you will notice when you’re progressing in this area because your bank account usually goes up, you smile a lot more, and you feel so much freer and in control of your emotions and life.
3. Support Networks.
Write down people that you truly trust – this means, at your best and worst.
It’s okay, I only have two and I’ve been at this a long time.
However, I’ve also got an extended network of people with different levels of trust – but if you’re anything like I was in the beginning, you probably find yourself oversharing to some people who aren’t up to carrying the weight of your inner world… this is a hard to skill to refine.
Write down five people who you could trust for more particular things, like, relationship advice, help with your diet, a low maintenance friend that you tend to off load on, or could catch up and have a laugh with. There’s no real commitment to the person, however, there is some kind of resource. Also, don’t feel bad if you write “my friend Susie, because she looks after my dog when I need some time to myself” – because right now, some of the reasons you see these people is because of what others may perceive as selfish, little do they know – it is helping you to survive. Now, it also doesn’t have to be that dramatic, but it can be! (lol)
Now finally, I want you to write down 2 or 3 options that have where you could actively seek and foster connections with supportive individuals, whether friends, family, therapist, or even a hotline you could call.
As you follow along on this blog, we will hit milestones and we will be able to see progress in many other areas because you are developing strong in this area.
Sign of progress in this area will be that you’re building a reliable support system, choosing wisely the people you CAN discuss your challenges with, and recognising who will value what you have to say and who will help be the driving force of where you’re going. But then ultimately, feeling less of an emotional load because the RIGHT people are helping you tend to the RIGHT things 🙂
4. Goal Setting and Achievement
Establish realistic and meaningful goals related to your recovery journey – remember these aren’t ON THE OTHER SIDE, they are for now. 🙂
This could be, saving your weekly alcohol budget 3x in a row, and getting that new Fractional RF laser at the local beauty spa instead! (100% recommend btw)
It could be, choosing a night in with a bunch of healthy self-care, with a charcuterie board and a movie.
It could even be, walking 20 minutes a day, or meeting your protein goal four times a week! BUT they should work towards something that solidifies unravelling into your most authentic self.
Be real about these ones, don’t make up grandiose (big and beautiful) unattainable goals. Just focus on your unique path and build a fulfilling life.
Signs of progress in this area looks like consistently working towards and achieving these goals, demonstrating resilience and commitment.
Disclaimer, this doesn’t always look like consistency it just means you’re consistently working TOWARDS being consistent.
Now the final one is!!!
5. Emotional Regulation
This is the improved ability to manage and regulate emotions, avoiding extreme highs and lows.
Signs of progress in this area look like developing emotional resilience, effectively navigating challenges without becoming overwhelmed, and experiencing a more stable emotional state over time.
I want you to take an inventory of what you do well (e.g. am able to take a breather when I’m becoming overwhelmed), and what you don’t do well (e.g. when I take said breather, I then have terrible road rage on the way home, swearing at every single person who comes near my car) – and if you don’t do any of it well, this is MORE than okay – again, we’re talking about making peace with the war inside, even you don’t know the war that’s going on yet, that’s more than okay. Because even the smallest examples all have a root cause, and we WILL(!!!) get to the root cause of them.
We’re basically going to peel away the layers of self-deception, numbing behaviours, and external influences to uncover the core of one’s being—the essence that makes each person unique, resilient, and alive.
Once you’ve taken this inventory, shut your notebook and go sit in the sun, or go for a walk to somewhere beautiful for 10 minutes. Take a breather and be real with yourself. You have a beautiful life ahead of you and right now we want to rediscover the vibrant essence within YOU – we want to get you reconnected with your authentic and true self.
Remember, the journey of recovery is unique to YOU and progress may not always follow a linear path.
Celebrate small victories, stay committed to the process, and be kind to yourself along the way.
Next time we’ll talk about how we can progress and gather momentum around the above inventory.
I’ll give you strategies and we can touch on boundaries and what that will look like in the future – because trust me, you’re about to do a complete overhaul on your life.
You’re not going to recognise yourself.
In Strength and Love,
Mila xx
